Morbid Real Estate: December Edition

 

822 Suismon Street, Pittsburgh

 

Much like a rage-fueled chainsaw murderer in a backwoods summer camp for teenagers, the holiday season is upon us. And what better gift can you give that special someone in your life than a house with a spooky, bloody past? Why, it's a gift that keeps on giving (at least until you call an exorcist).

Of course, no one is claiming that any of the following properties are haunted (to do so would invite lawsuits from rage-fueled real estate agents), but if they do happen to be haunted, the listing below will tell you who died in them, and how.

822 Suismon St.

822 Suismon Street, Pittsburgh (Allegheny County). Listed for $215,000

First, we have this charming multi-family duplex in the heart of Pittsburgh's North Side. Based on the total lack of basic information provided by the seller, such as square footage or whether or not its currently occupied, one can only surmise that the present owner has probably never even set foot in the place. It just has the aura of one of those homes that was picked up on the cheap by some out-of-town investor with dollar signs in his greedy, beady little eyes. After all, Zillow shows that this property last sold in the summer of 2007 for just $10,000.

Now, lest you think that perhaps the owner sunk a few grand (or ten bucks, for that matter) into renovations and repairs, the photos will quickly disabuse you of that ridiculous notion, as you can see by the holes in the drywall (unless that's really an art installation on loan from the Carnegie Museum of Art entitled Ode to Domestic Abuse), or in the photo below, which I have entitled "WTF Am I Even Looking At?"

822 Suismon St.

 

Now that I think about, I can't be certain if I'm looking at a genuine real estate listing, or if the entire thing is just some avant-garde piece of performance art intended to make the viewer question the abysmal depths of human delusion. Because, let's face it, if you think this piece of shit is even remotely close to being worth $215k, just tell me your location so I can send someone to pick you up in an ambulance and take you to a place where the walls are padded and you'll eat all your meals with a plastic spork.

822 Suismon St.

 

Yes, this is one deeply depressing property, and that just might explain why one unlucky woman decided to end her life here on the morning of February 16, 1924, by slashing her throat with her husband's razor.

1843 Spring garden Ave., Pittsburgh

 

1843 Spring Garden Avenue, Pittsburgh (Allegheny County). Listed for $110,500

Next, we have this 2 bedroom, 1 bath single family home on Spring Garden Avenue. With over 1,000 square feet of livable space, this home boasts high ceilings, a spacious living room and a finished attic.

1843 Spring Garden Ave., Pittsburgh

 

As you can clearly see by the photos, this is a much, much better deal for a historic suicide house than the first featured home. Plus, the manner of death was nearly identical. It was in a bedroom of this house where 17-year-old Anna Lehberger fatally slashed her throat with a breadknife on the morning of September 17, 1916. A well-maintained home with a nearly identical bloody backstory at less than half the price!

1015 Gerritt St., Pittsburgh

 

1015 Gerritt Street, Pittsburgh (Allegheny County). Listed for $175,000

Finally, we have this well-maintained 2-unit rental property. Each unit includes two bedrooms and one full bath, with basement laundry facilities and a backyard shed for additional storage. This gem is nestled in the heart of Homewood West, which the listing agent describes as a "neighborhood experiencing significant growth". Of course, this is realtorspeak for the kind of low-rent parts of the city one ought not to visit after dark. 

Refrigerator in the living room? Interesting design choice.

 

According to Niche.com, the median rental price in this neighborhood is just $483 per month, and Niche reports a murder rate of 82.9 per 100,000 residents-- which, for you math nerds, is more than 1,283% higher than the national average. But, on the bright side, with 416 robberies per 100,000 residents, that's only 206% higher than the national average. So, there's that. Not surprisingly, Homewood West earned an "F" rating from Areavibes.com when it comes to safety.

1015 Gerritt St., Pittsburgh.

 

This house was also the scene of what nearly became a triple tragedy in February of 1934, when the home was occupied by the Troppoli family. After a night of playing cards and drinking with his friends in the basement, Anthony Troppoli became so enraged at his nagging wife, Maria, that he went upstairs and shot her four times. He also shot his daughter in the abdomen, before returning to the basement and firing a bullet in his brain. Anthony died that day and his wife two days later, but the daughter survived.

The basement where Anthony Troppoli took his life after fatally shooting his wife.